2001-11-15 - 1:47 p.m.

Here it is, the famous and eagerly awaited Lyrical Questionnaire! Let the shofar be blasted, the fatted calf killed and High Hosannas sung in the midst of drunken revelry! Boy, that sounds fun! But seriously, here it is, for what it's worth.

WHO ARE YOU?

I spit out like a sewer hole, and still receive you kiss. How can I measure up to anyone now after such a love as this?

The Who, 'Who Are You?'

WHAT DO YOU LOOK LIKE?

He wear no shoeshine, He got toejam footbal, He got monkey finger, He shoot Coca-Cola, He say 'I know you, you know me' One thing I can tell you is you got to be free.

The Beatles, 'Come Together'

WHAT'S YOUR SECRET?

There was a time when I had nothing to explain. Oh this mess I have made. But then things got complicated, my innocence has all but faded. Oh this mess I have made.

Ben Fold's Five, The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner, 'Mess'

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE?

Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste.

Rolling Stones, 'Sympathy for the devil'

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

The only boy who could ever reach me was the son of a preacher man.

Dusty Springfield, 'Son of a Preacher Man'

WHAT CAN'T YOU DO?

I can't do the talk like they talk on the TV, and I can't do a love song like the way it's meant to be. I can't do everything, but I'd do anything for you. I can't do anything but be in love with you.

Mark Knopfler, 'Romeo and Juliet'

WHAT IS LOVE?

It's not a cry you can hear at night, It's not someone who's seen the light, It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah.

Leonard Cohen, 'Hallelujah'

WHAT IS FRIENDSHIP?

Friends, did you get some silver? Did you get a little gold? What did you bring me, my dear friends, To keep me from the Gallows Pole?

Led Zepplin, III, 'Gallows Pole'

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?

I'll fix your feet til you can't walk, I'll lock your jaw so you can't talk, I'll close your eyes so you can't see, this very hour go with me.

Oh Death

Appalachian Traditional, 'Oh Death'

ARE YOU STRONG?

In the clearing stands a Boxer and a fighter by his trade, and he carries the reminders of ev'ry glove that laid him down or cut him 'till he cried out in his anger and his shame 'I am leaving, I am leaving' but the fighter still remains.

Paul Simon, Bridge Over Troubled Water, 'The Boxer'

WHAT WOULD YOU TELL THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU?

I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more Just to be the man who'd walk a 1000 miles to fall down at your door.

The Proclaimers, '500 Miles'

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

Out there in the spotlight you're a million miles away and every ounce of energy you try to give away as the sweat pours out your body like the music that you play.

Bob Seger, Back in '72, 'Turn the Page'

WHERE DO YOU WANT TO BE?

Brazil! Where hearts were entertaining June, We stood beneath an amber moon and softly murmered 'someday soon'.

'Brazil'

WHO DO YOU LOVE?

I don't want to hold you and feel so helpless. I don't want to smell you and lose my senses And smile in slow motion.

Rufus Wainwright, 'Foolish Love'

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS?

It ain't me. It ain't me. I ain't no millionaire's son.

Creedence Clearwater Revival, 'Fortunate Son'

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