2001-06-30 - 4:40 p.m.

And now for a quick break. I've been serious for quite a while now, and its time for the lighter side of Padraig. My butt is too big. I've come to this conclusion after years of staring, at various times in various stages of undress, at said butt. My girlfriend approves of this butt, but I can hardly spend my life seeking the approbation and approval of others. I must be true to my own self. And my self has a big butt. A bubble butt. No lie. In fact, I am a little too portly for my tastes. At 5'8" I now weigh in at 159. This is 4 pounds over the weight listed on my resume, and while this may not seem like much to you, I am perfectly willing to turn it into the be-all and end-(ahem)-all of my existence. My nose refuses to remain in one shape: in photographs, it morphs from the cute little Irish pug I rather believed myself to have to some wierd, flattened, silly nose reserved for the likes of centurions and foppish emperors. My waist needs a trim, because despite my best efforts I can still not successfully wash my clothes on them. I can not lift myself with the vigor with which I was previously wont, and my feet hurt. I have also come to the conclusion that people don't spend enough time looking at my eyes. They are my best feature, and as such demand respect. I will impliment a strict policy of staring intently at other people until they are forced to return my gaze, all the while saying (in my best Bela Lugosi voice) Loook into my eeyyyeees!. I never drink wine, either, just beer, but not enough of it. I play my guitar not enough, I play my computer games too enough, and my capacity for dry absurdism is rapidly running out.

And you thought you had problems!

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