2001-12-01 - 1:51 a.m.

You know, sometimes I forget things. Like how damned good I am. My abilities as an actor are obviously non-pareil, and my good looks and coy arrogance are sure to set the world afire.

To translate from the ego-speak: I done did good at my call back. This is the one for the bank-commercial, $500 worth of inspirational looking-off-camera-at-a-bright-and-shiny-morrow. Still haven't got the part, but I did well, and I had the casting directors rolling in the isles. They'll remember me. I really need the money, I'm rapidly losing patience and financial solvency from working at Bones. It doth make me weep, or would, could I afford the tears. Drama is expensive. Anyway, hopefully my job-hunting will pan out and I'll make some money yet.

Spent some quality time at Borders a few days back. I read the Torah. Or rather, I began to, but had to stop to go to rehearsal. I got halfway through Genesis, or as it is known in Hebrew, B're'eshit. Got quite a renewed handle on this Judaism stuff, and by reflection, on Christianity and Islam. Interesting point: we are all the people of the covenant: God's promise to Noah was made to every living being on Earth. Noah was, at the end of the voyage, the only living paterfamilias on the planet, so everyone is therefore a descendant of him. God's covenant was with him and his descendants, hence, everyone. Point two: while the Jews have a special arrangement with God, He having promised to make a great nation of them, they are not the only people with this promise. Ishmael, son of Abraham, and half-brother of Isaac, was also promised this glory, and the Torah makes it quite clear that God was looking out for him as much as for Isaac. This is important, because Ishmael is regarded as the great-grandpappy of the Arabic people. God made a promise to them too, in many ways an equal promise as the one given to Abraham. Interesting. All this means that Judaism began itself with a fundamental recognition of our common humanity, and created for it's nation an inter-national God. Lord and Protector of all, and everyone. Very interesting indeed. I'm interested to see where this all plays out under Moses.

Bishop Berkely, a famous philosopher, had a theory to explain existence. The question was, if there is no one to observe a table, is it still there? His answer was that God saw the table, He held the idea in Her head, and that kept it from winking out of existence. To extrapolate, when we die, and all our glories turn to dust, as they all eventually will, where is our memory? What gives evidence that we existed at all? Did our existence, and the incidents surrounding it, effect the universe in any way, or could we all have simply snuffed it at birth without any real difference to reality? I like Berkely's argument when you move it there: God remembers us, He keeps our memories alive, She measures the trail of our foot-falls and says "Yes, I remember it all. It happened,"

People always conceive of God in terms of what they know. I am no exception. I am an actor, and God is my audience. It seems to me that the only real achievement in life can be, not glory or money or fame, but simply keeping my audience entertained, interested. Doing enough, not that people will say "what an extraordinary person", but that God will say "Something has happened, and it will always have happened. I remember it." And it really comforts me to know that, no matter what I do, no matter who forgets, on an objective level, I happened. That's honestly enough for me. I happened. :)

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