2001-06-11 - 4:17 p.m.

Well, introductions aside, let's move right along. I suppose this is where the deep stuff starts; questions of faith, morality, psychology: ISSUES. And I have ISSUES, no question, but I also have questions about ISSUES. Will writing them out do me any good? Will anyone actually enjoy reading them? What can I put here? There is, of course, the persona of publicity that we all have, and who we are changes drastically depending on who we're around. What I'll tell Actionhero is very different from what I'll tell Dr. Curare, is very different from what I'll tell Die Deutcherin. Sartre states that there is no soul, no essence, no face behind the mask: there is only what we do. And I believe that. I am not fundamentally different when I lie, or when I reveal myself. I, whoever that is, lies or reveals, and that is all. This is not self-abnegation, more a recognition that 'Patrick Armshaw' doesn't really exist until I'm dead, and that I can mold that 'Patrick', my mask, any damn way I please. It's very liberating in a depressingly French sense. And I suppose that because of that, I should tell the truth here. Because I don't need to pretend to be someone else, I don't need to be mistaken for my famous doppelgaenger. I am what I allow myself to become, and the only way to live with that is to own up to it, and not be afraid or ashamed unless I really have something to be afraid or ashamed of. So I'm making this vow, on my honor, that at no point will I lie or misrepresent myself here. This is my attempt to synthesize the various 'Patricks' floating about there in the ether into one. I'm creating the authoritative Patrick here. That doesn't mean I won't be editing my life for content, mind you. I have to cut somethings like bathroom breaks and sleep, so the question is not 'do I leave some stuff out', but rather 'which bits?' So anything that harms another person, I'll leave out. Things that really don't have anything to do with the public, such as sex, will be kept out. Relationships will be fodder, however, so the dirt is forthcoming, but aliases will be used to protect the innocent and the guilty. If you want any specific nickname, write me and lemme know it. Otherwise I will break out the thesaurus, and nobody wants that.

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