2002-06-04 - 11:57 a.m.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am unemployed. Released from the suffocation of a 9 to 5 (or in my case, a 4 to 1, and occaisionally a 10 to 3 in the am), I fill my time in any number of wonderful ways, be it, um, smoking pot or, um, well, I read, I guess. I watch TV, too! OK, so being unemployed is really really boring, but you know what? I need some boring. And the best bit of this boredom is its definite end: I start my new job, my new life on the 10th. Until then, its marijuana, beer and useless video games for me, until I get so sick of it that work comes as a relief.

I think that's the secret, by the way. If nothing glitters that is not new, and the grass is always greener on the other side of the subway, all you have to do is hop the fence every once in a while. Or something to that effect. Like stereoscopic vision, it is the difference in perspectives that creates perspective: only by synthesizing a thing and its opposite can you come to a definition of the thing at all. Which implies that a thing and its opposite are in fact the same thing, two sides of the same coin. And to place that object, you have to take into account the world as well, so existence as we know exists only through synthesis and comparison. To create in your consciousness the object "lamp", it's necessary to pick it up, feel its weight, examine it from all sides. You can do this because you are not part of the lamp, you perceive it from the outside. Life IS the outside, and we are denied this easy perspective, we must examine Life from the inside out, as a part of it. Which means comparison, which means experimentation, which means changing your interior perspective often enough to create an image of the whole. If you cannot move the lamp, you must move yourself.

And that, I think, is the most philosophical excuse for unemployment I've ever come up with.

Billy, my twin brother, was down to visit recently, and we had a great time. There was some tension for a bit, but that melted away like frost on a florida morning. Being with my brother is odd: when I am with him, I become immeasureably more aware of my faults, my actions, and all the wierd defense mechanisms that humans are heir to. This is because Billy's mission in life is to perfect himself, I think. Some people would speak of a moral code, but that's not quite it: Billy searches for honesty, and compassion. He has a clear idea of where Good is, even if the path thereto is hidden. If he has no map to navigate the darkest corner of this life, he has a compass. A moral code is inflexible, an oak, its own justification. Billy is the reed in terra firma. To talk to him is to recognize your weaknesses, but also to recognize your strength to change. This is all a long way of saying that I am a better person because of him. And in two days, I'm going to NYC to see him again.

Now, about my new life: I start acting professionally. Hoo-ah. I'm in two plays at the same time, located about 100 miles away from eachother, and they run concurrently. I am officially insane. On the plus side, one of the gigs actually pays, not much, but enough to make me pro. If I can pull this off, I think my mind will have to recognize that, yes, I have talent, I'm not faking it, and so forth.

On a related note, I have a groupie. She was at the last Improv Show I did, she was cute, she sent me her phone number, and e-mailed me to ask when I'd be performing again. This is cool. A beautiful woman also recently joined the cast, and there is definitely something going on there as well. Flirting and whatnot. So, to sum up, life is good, my brother is brilliant, and it's still pretty damn cool to be me. Yay.

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